| So, I can't quite tell what's wrong with me. It feels like the world is crashing at my feet. Nothing is right in my head, and I'm not happy. I feel like crying the biggest cry in the world. I can't however, because I am a heartless bitch. I really never cry. As much as I want to I don't. I hate it.
I have so many mixed feelings. Everything blurs, then when it comes into focus, it's not how I planned. I prepare myself for the worst, then when the worst happens, I don't feel anything. A week or so ago, my heart felt like it got ripped out of my body. Not only did I feel the grip tightening, I felt it sink. The world I'm living in is coming down, and fast. I feel like I've had a consession stand up, and I sold all my tears.
I have the urge to cut myself so bad right now. It's been a good, two years maybe? But I just want that razor to meet my skin. Feel it as it dances it's way across my forearm. The way it glides, and separates my hard times. It breaks life free from reality. As I move it, blood slowly trickling down across the cuts. Little beads of blood forming where the razor went deep enough.
I remember sitting in my best friends room, both of us having a bad day, taking a paper clip, unwinding it, grabbing a scisors, knives, razors, anything with a point, and dragging it across our writst's. It's the best feeling in the world. I figure if everyone else can hurt me, why can't I hurt myself? Thanks for listening xanga.
Really appreciate it. |
